mini round-up of 1st Year in NUS/CAPT

honestly, CAPT feels like everything to me in university that studies plays such a small role so this post is going to be mainly about CAPT :)
Thank you for the experiences I never knew I'll go through, for the countless opportunities where I was able to step out of my own comfort zone and get to know myself so much better, pushing to me be the best version of myself and striving to continuously grow and learn everyday, taking small steps at a time but giving me a goal in sight to work towards.
It has truly been an amazing year in CAPT, with all kinds of overwhelming emotions that I'm still learning to cope with, but I really cannot imagine living somewhere else or even not living on campus at all. University life would have been so, so much different if I did not make that last minute impulse decision to follow my gut feeling and apply for UTCP/CAPT, and talking to the seniors that I did to correctly choose the room/floor I'm staying in now. I guess that's just life, and that's just fate. It hasn't been an easy journey, rather it has been filled with ups and downs but I'm still v grateful for everything that has happened, be it the good or the bad. Even as I'm typing now, I hear people screaming from the lounge LOL perks of living on the mixed floor but there's nowhere else I rather be.
I promised myself that this will be a short post just to write out all the thoughts and feelings that I have now, as 2 farewell parties/dinner just ended this week. Plus my phone TOTALLY CRASHED and hanged at the apple logo / "white screen of death" during formal dinner till the next day so I was pretty deprived of social media / any forms of communication for 24 hours, which made me reflect quite a bit too. Really regret not saving / backing up my photos from May 2016 or even submitting the warranty form online. Not really worried about the photos in CAPT that I lost since I know I can easily get it back / it was good to get rid of all the clutter that I couldn't bear to delete myself. Just kind of sad that I will never get back photos with you since we aren't on talking terms anymore, if there is that small chance that you are reading this, I'll really appreciate it that you send them to me :') But since the possibility of that is close to none, I guess some photos will remain etched in my heart and I can remember them without the soft copies. I hope that you are still smiling as brightly, or living an even happier life than you had when you were with me, because you deserve it. I hope that you can find someone who will be there for you when you need and loves all of you for who you are. On some nights I still find myself missing your presence but I guess you've moved on and having me back in your life won't do you any good since all I did was to bring you down. So please be happy and work towards your dreams :) You may have been in my life for a short period of time but I don't regret any of it, and I'll always remember you. I find myself hoping to find traces of you when I cross the road for meals or when I go to places we went together before, but I just smile to myself knowing that I'm blessed that we happened before and hope that now you are in some place better, with someone who deserves you more than me. Now I'm back to being the "strong and independent" girl that I was before I met you, although I don't know if it is just a facade, but so many people tell me that they see me that way. Part of me wants it to be true, but another part of me just wants someone whom I can rely on emotionally and physically. Quoting what one of my closest friends in CAPT once said, "I'm coping better now, but it still gets lonely at times when you recall what you once had but things can never go back to the way it was before." But I guess that's just life, and I hate telling myself to just suck it up and hang in there even though there isn't much of a choice aye. Ok moving onto the proper round-up.
1. 6 mods: The past few weeks ever since recess week have been crazy and a constant struggle to balance studies, socialising, house-head campaigning, SAC events, CAPT events, new room and new house stuff on top of emotions that I want to stop feeling and the flu bug that just won't go away :'(
It still feels very ambiguous about how my results for this semester would turn out. I thought that all hope was lost after getting 76/100 for Korean midterms (the 75/23 percentile and avg/median marks were only out in around week 11..? AFTER I SCREWED UP MY ORAL TEST) and my first ever (depressing) C for GL2101 midterms. Taking 2 geog mods this sem, one of which I got an A- for my 40% midterms, on top of the C for global studies just swayed me towards officially changing my major to geography next sem. So for the past few weeks I was already kind of decided on geog as my first major (I just found out I cannot do double degree in FASS as geog and global studies are both in FASS SIGH it doesn't make sense when one is a social science degree while the other is an arts degree though FASS PLS RECONSIDER THIS IN THE NEAR FUTURE BEFORE I GRAD!!! HEHE) and global studies as my second major/minor (since taking global studies as a second major isn't really allowed as the language commitment is damn high for a second major). BUT I JUST GOT BACK MY TERM ESSAY FOR GLOBAL STUDIES AND IT'S A FREAKING A-??? *does happy dance* My first ever A- for a global studies module (I got B and B+ for last sem's GL1101E)...and now I'm really conflicted LOL, but it's not time to decide yet so I shan't think about it yet. Still gonna take GE1101E and GE2101 next sem because I'll still do a second major in geog if I stick to global studies heh. (I'll be 4 or 5/12 mods done with it by next sem yaaaaaaay!!)
Got back JS results which was pretty bad because of my two late submissions for reflections that are 32 marks in total LOL shit but as long as its a pass its fine la hahaha thanks for being such a chill module this semester with fun-filled fieldtrips!!!!
Really hope that I do well this semester as I'll probably apply for scholarships next sem :> JIAYOU PONG ANOTHER 3 WEEKS HANG IN THEREEEE!

2. SAC: Our journey together is gonna be over real soon, but thank you guys for everything. I've learnt so much and had so much fun with y'all. Still remember when I first got in and Xuan told me "Goodbye, you sold your soul and time to SAC". All our planning, pre-preparation and execution of the past 5 events and welfare packs has really taken up alot of my time, but I'm glad to say that I never found it a chore and was really excited to go through it with yall :') To the director whom I was frustrated with at the start, thank you for accepting me into the wonderful comm, allowing me to learn and grow so much in a short period of time. I may not agree with your leadership style (esp how you tank everything by yourself sometimes) but thanks for opening my eyes to so many views/ ways of doing stuff. Invaluable takeaways and memories from SAC that I'll always treasure.

3. House-Head elections: As expected, I didn't get the job. But not so expected was how close I was to almost getting it. Thank you ROC for having so much faith in me, I'm really touched by everyone who voted for me despite me not being in house comm and I'm sure yall know about the profanities (such a nice word for not so nice words HAHAHAH) I say at times, thank you for being so accepting of me and thanks to those who told me not to give up on my dreams and pushed me along the way. To Lenard and Tammy, I always thought that both of you will get it when we had those late-night convos about what we wanted to change in ROC / what we felt the house comm should do. Thank you for sharing your honest opinions and having faith in me as the person you wanted to work with. To Tammy, thank you for trusting us and showing us your vulnerable side and know that we are always here to support you through it all next year, you are never alone in this!! To Lenard, when I first dumped the idea of running for it on you, I never expected that you'll choose me as who you wanted to work with but thank you so much for believing that I had the potential to do it with you. And lastly to Nova, till now it's still mixed feelings because I know the chances of me getting it would be v high if I didn't trigger you to run for it, but I'm really happy that you got it too as I know that the house will be in safe hands, and you are strong enough to handle criticisms and keeping Tammy on the right track. I'll always be here for you and you are not alone too bro <3 May ROC be great again under the wings of you two!!

4. Honestly idk what subheading to give to this section and I need to leave for home soon, but I guess I'll just call it the closure. It has been a tiring sem for me, with emotions that I don't really want to deal with but I know I must. Kind of got myself into shit if not for that night. If I didn't take my things from the lounge to go study with you. If I didn't tell you the truth about what I felt last semester for someone, which prompted you to trust your secrets with me, that I'm sorry to say I'm not going to be the only one bringing it to my grave as I had to share this burden with others because of my feelings that they wouldn't be able to understand if I didn't tell your part of the story. But I know it has to end now, before I fall any deeper or get even more confused about what this is. Just know that I'll always be here for you, to listen to your woes and empathising with you because I know how it feels. Just sad that this kind of feels like what happened 3/4 years ago, with me having to deal with my feelings myself and not being able to tell the other party in fear of ruining the friendship. But yes, I realised till today it's still friendship > relationship for me so I'm going to be thankful for what we already have and know where to draw the boundaries for myself to feel for you..hopefully. Like what you said, it's tiring to feel so much for someone but not being able to tell the person or just going for it based on your feelings. I guess it's even more tiring for me to hear all these from the person I kind of like, but knowing that we cannot happen because of what you are feeling for someone else. Part of me wishes that you never mentioned that we could happen if not for the circumstances you are in now, which gave me a glimmer of hope to wait for you. But I guess one semester of waiting is enough for me, since it looks like you are still going to be in this situation for some time to come and we both know it's unfair to just date without considering what you are going through. Another almost-relationship, but its time for me to move on. I just hope that these 3 months won't be painful without you, and that you will not be in too much pain too. We are still so young, with so much future ahead of us, let's not let this affect our personality / give up hope on love. There is so much love in this world, to give and to receive, and love is what keeps the world going. I will still love you, but as a friend like I've always felt and not hope for more anymore.

OKAY TIME TO GO HOME AND RECUPERATE. FLU BUG PLEASE LEAVE ME BEFORE INTENSE READING WEEK!!!!!! Really worn out from the constant studying/ rushing of assignments that seemed never-ending over the past 3 weeks which included 2 30% essays, 3 presentations and a 40% finals. Glad that week 13 was much chiller but emotionally heavier because of the 2 farewells. bye week 13, you've been a great one :')
Here's just some photos in case my phone decides to wipe out all my photos again :<

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Life | Pics of March

Just posting some pictures to round up March :) let the photos do the talking!!!

As you can see, I have no life outside of work LOL but they are nice people so it's all good :) 

Celebrated the two guys (boys) birthday in March...how long will this last? It's sad that we'll definitely drift apart after we stop working there and go to uni.....but I decided to take things positively and make every single day left there count. Guess they'll never see this, but thanks for making my first quarter of 2016 a fun and memorable one. I won't forget the times we sang karaoke in the shop (tbh everyday haha), the good food and jokes we shared, getting through busy nights and crazy orders together, enduring moumouren till he left (HALLELUJAH PART TIMERS 1 - moumouren 0) , and just making each other's life much happier at work, that it doesn't seem like work to me at all. Everytime I go to work I feel like I'm gonna meet fun friends and have a great time and stuff myself with food HAHAHA it wouldn't be the same without anyone of you. To those who made life difficult for us, thank you too, for making me see how unreasonable some people can be and learn from their mistakes, telling myself never to be like them heh. IT HAS BEEN A GOOD 3 MONTHS. Idk if I'll find another job, but I will definitely come back to work (play) whenever I can :) 

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Life | Random Thoughts

I came across this post on The Odyssey and I can relate to it so much, so I'm just leaving it here.

I remember being about ten years old and watching movie after movie featuring the same type of people—people in their twenties. I developed this romanticized idea that from ages 20–29 life was super awesome all the time. Now that I am at the tip of the ten-year iceberg known as my twenties, I have realized that simply is not true. Our twenties are a lot of things. Sometimes they are awesome. Sometimes they are ugly. Sometimes they are fun. Sometimes they are painful. Sometimes they are confusing. Sometimes they are enlightening. But one thing is for sure… they are anything BUT easy.     

 And something I found about gemini that isn't totally relateable but those in bold and italics are.

You have a quick, bright and agile mind, but an extremely short attention span. You love the external, kaleidoscopic aspects of life, but you tend to avoid (and even fear) deep, close emotional involvements. As such, you seem to enjoy travel and sightseeing and generally being "on-the-go." You get quite listless when things around you become static and dull, but your excitement returns whenever you are stimulated by a new idea. Chatty, inquisitive and quite playful, you enjoy practical jokes and games in general. Your moods change quickly and often -- you are very restless and constantly in motion. You are known for your versatility and adaptability. Your vivaciousness enlivens any social gathering. 
An idealist, you prefer the grand, the beautiful, the good and the noble. You get very disappointed when your high expectations in life are not met. Very curious by nature, you enjoy traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. Try to avoid your tendency to ignore the small but important details of living. You are independent and free, and you want others to be that way, too. Optimistic, buoyant and cheerful, others like to have you around. You have an incessant desire to learn as much as possible about metaphysics, religion, philosophy and any other broad, deep subject. Your life tends to be punctuated by bursts of energy and frenetic activity. 
Your mind is active, quick and agile. You are very restless and you get bored easily. Unless you receive constant mental stimulation, you become extremely nervous and begin to act in an unstable manner. You are probably a good student because of your natural inquisitiveness. You also love to travel. Your learning tends to be superficial, though, because you have a relatively short attention span. Try to develop the mental discipline to finish what you start. Also, you tend to talk on at times seemingly just to fill space -- make sure that your conversation has some substance to it or others will start avoiding you.
You like to be very close to other people. You need emotional support yourself and are willing to give it to others. When you feel unloved and insecure, you can be very jealous and possessive. You are not interested in casual or superficial relationships -- only deep emotional involvements interest you. Your faithful devotion is one of your greatest gifts, but be careful not to become too dependent on others. Learn to stand on your own two feet and demand your own rights once in a while. 
You are very aware of the need to cooperate with others in order to further any effort. You are usually willing to compromise with others, although you can be quite competitive in a friendly way. Very fair- minded and impartial, you have the ability to sense injustice and the desire to take corrective actions to make proper compensations. You see both sides of issues and questions, but you tend to be undecided or wavering when forced to make choices that might make you vulnerable or unpopular. 

Who am I kidding haha almost the whole paragraph describes me, I'm always amazed by horoscope readings!

It is what it is. It was what it was.

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Life | Wisdom Tooth Removal

It has truly been one hell of a week. 

For the past seven days, I've been eating porridge and other soft foods like ice cream, cakes, eggs and did I mention porridge?

I was nagged by my dentist since 4 years ago to remove my wisdom tooth since they were growing in weird positions (but after consulting another dentist I discovered it wasn't really THAT weird. tsk.) and they could cause problems when I got older. At an age where most of my friends were only doing braces, removing wisdom teeth sounded stupid and unnecessary. And it costs ALOT (an average of $900 - $1200) to remove just one tooth. Taking out all 4 would mean a huge amount of nearly $5000. Plus, it is best to rest for at least one week (most people get 5 days MC). Being a student back then, taking one week off from school was out of the question with O levels and A levels to prepare for.

So here I am, 4 years later and suffering from not taking them out earlier. Recently the spacing between my teeth become non-existent and the front teeth started to overlap. I kept waking up from the pain/irritation at night and eventually my dentist told me again to take them out. It's advisable to take them out at ages 19-24 when the teeth are more stable yet roots have not grown completely, and bone soft enough to drill through.

So I did. On the day of the supposed surgery, I took an xray and guess what? He said that it was too risky as one of the roots was near the nerve and he didn't have the confidence to do it. He persuaded me and my mum (under much confusion and pressure) to take a CT scan of my teeth so that other dentists could operate on it with better precision (???) Good thing was that he was being honest about it if not I would have risked losing my tastebuds or facial control if anything went wrong LOL. Bad thing was that, the CT scan was a complete waste of money ($600 bucks and we still regret it) and I had to find another dentist ASAP. My mum's colleague recommended me to Thomson Medical and thank goodness I went there. The staff there were so nice and patient, and the dentist was probably the best medical/healthcare personnel I ever encountered. Sadly she couldn't operate on it too but she referred me to an oral surgeon and I got it done and over with a week later. 

How  did the process feel like?

(I'm writing this post as I couldn't find alot of useful posts on this online heh)

Anyways, it felt like hell. 

Okay kidding it wasn't as bad as dislocating my knee, but it felt like hell because I was the one who chose to have the surgery. What I mean is, accidents always happen, but this surgery is one that I chose to go through, and for that reason I felt like I was putting myself through hell. 

Some cream was applied to the right side of my mouth (I was taking out both molars on the right) and after 10 minutes, the surgeon injected LA into gums and I was awake through the whole process. I could feel the pressure, the pulling and pushing. It didn't hurt because my nerves were numbed, and they even covered my eyes and body. But from the sounds of the drilling and the force the surgeon was using, I knew that my jaw and mouth would be VERRRRRRY sore after the surgery. I guess I was just traumatised because I wasn't mentally prepared and the drilling sounds were so close to my ear, it felt like the surgeon was tearing down a building in my mouth hahaha

Removing the teeth took about 30 min and the whole thing was done in about one hour. 

The anaesthetic wore off about 3hours later but the gum bled non-stop till dinner and I could hardly drink/swallow anything.

I could not open my mouth fully, smile or brush my right teeth teeth/gum for the next few days too. 

Diet was like I mentioned, mostly porridge and anything that required minimal chewing. 

And that made me really angsty, since I was stuck at home just waiting for days to pass. I felt like a pig, just eating and sleeping heh oink. I wasn't in pain, but I was too uncomfortable with the swollen cheek and jaw that I did not want to do anything.

On Day 6 and 7 (today), I managed to eat some bread (YAY FOOD!!) AND I HOPE TO EAT MORE REAL FOOD AFTER TAKING OUT STITCHES TMRW :) bless me cuz shermin told me that taking stitches out is pain too. But I've survived this far, and I will get through it tmrw and EAT GLORIOUS FOOD (I'm writing this with a growling stomach now....)

Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better. - Jim Rohn

Reviews to do:
- music (feb/mar)
- six flying dragons

Continue reading Life | Wisdom Tooth Removal