honestly, CAPT feels like everything to me in university that studies plays such a small role so this post is going to be mainly about CAPT :)
Thank you for the experiences I never knew I'll go through, for the countless opportunities where I was able to step out of my own comfort zone and get to know myself so much better, pushing to me be the best version of myself and striving to continuously grow and learn everyday, taking small steps at a time but giving me a goal in sight to work towards.
It has truly been an amazing year in CAPT, with all kinds of overwhelming emotions that I'm still learning to cope with, but I really cannot imagine living somewhere else or even not living on campus at all. University life would have been so, so much different if I did not make that last minute impulse decision to follow my gut feeling and apply for UTCP/CAPT, and talking to the seniors that I did to correctly choose the room/floor I'm staying in now. I guess that's just life, and that's just fate. It hasn't been an easy journey, rather it has been filled with ups and downs but I'm still v grateful for everything that has happened, be it the good or the bad. Even as I'm typing now, I hear people screaming from the lounge LOL perks of living on the mixed floor but there's nowhere else I rather be.
I promised myself that this will be a short post just to write out all the thoughts and feelings that I have now, as 2 farewell parties/dinner just ended this week. Plus my phone TOTALLY CRASHED and hanged at the apple logo / "white screen of death" during formal dinner till the next day so I was pretty deprived of social media / any forms of communication for 24 hours, which made me reflect quite a bit too. Really regret not saving / backing up my photos from May 2016 or even submitting the warranty form online. Not really worried about the photos in CAPT that I lost since I know I can easily get it back / it was good to get rid of all the clutter that I couldn't bear to delete myself. Just kind of sad that I will never get back photos with you since we aren't on talking terms anymore, if there is that small chance that you are reading this, I'll really appreciate it that you send them to me :') But since the possibility of that is close to none, I guess some photos will remain etched in my heart and I can remember them without the soft copies. I hope that you are still smiling as brightly, or living an even happier life than you had when you were with me, because you deserve it. I hope that you can find someone who will be there for you when you need and loves all of you for who you are. On some nights I still find myself missing your presence but I guess you've moved on and having me back in your life won't do you any good since all I did was to bring you down. So please be happy and work towards your dreams :) You may have been in my life for a short period of time but I don't regret any of it, and I'll always remember you. I find myself hoping to find traces of you when I cross the road for meals or when I go to places we went together before, but I just smile to myself knowing that I'm blessed that we happened before and hope that now you are in some place better, with someone who deserves you more than me. Now I'm back to being the "strong and independent" girl that I was before I met you, although I don't know if it is just a facade, but so many people tell me that they see me that way. Part of me wants it to be true, but another part of me just wants someone whom I can rely on emotionally and physically. Quoting what one of my closest friends in CAPT once said, "I'm coping better now, but it still gets lonely at times when you recall what you once had but things can never go back to the way it was before." But I guess that's just life, and I hate telling myself to just suck it up and hang in there even though there isn't much of a choice aye. Ok moving onto the proper round-up.
1. 6 mods: The past few weeks ever since recess week have been crazy and a constant struggle to balance studies, socialising, house-head campaigning, SAC events, CAPT events, new room and new house stuff on top of emotions that I want to stop feeling and the flu bug that just won't go away :'(
It still feels very ambiguous about how my results for this semester would turn out. I thought that all hope was lost after getting 76/100 for Korean midterms (the 75/23 percentile and avg/median marks were only out in around week 11..? AFTER I SCREWED UP MY ORAL TEST) and my first ever (depressing) C for GL2101 midterms. Taking 2 geog mods this sem, one of which I got an A- for my 40% midterms, on top of the C for global studies just swayed me towards officially changing my major to geography next sem. So for the past few weeks I was already kind of decided on geog as my first major (I just found out I cannot do double degree in FASS as geog and global studies are both in FASS SIGH it doesn't make sense when one is a social science degree while the other is an arts degree though FASS PLS RECONSIDER THIS IN THE NEAR FUTURE BEFORE I GRAD!!! HEHE) and global studies as my second major/minor (since taking global studies as a second major isn't really allowed as the language commitment is damn high for a second major). BUT I JUST GOT BACK MY TERM ESSAY FOR GLOBAL STUDIES AND IT'S A FREAKING A-??? *does happy dance* My first ever A- for a global studies module (I got B and B+ for last sem's GL1101E)...and now I'm really conflicted LOL, but it's not time to decide yet so I shan't think about it yet. Still gonna take GE1101E and GE2101 next sem because I'll still do a second major in geog if I stick to global studies heh. (I'll be 4 or 5/12 mods done with it by next sem yaaaaaaay!!)
Got back JS results which was pretty bad because of my two late submissions for reflections that are 32 marks in total LOL shit but as long as its a pass its fine la hahaha thanks for being such a chill module this semester with fun-filled fieldtrips!!!!
Really hope that I do well this semester as I'll probably apply for scholarships next sem :> JIAYOU PONG ANOTHER 3 WEEKS HANG IN THEREEEE!
2. SAC: Our journey together is gonna be over real soon, but thank you guys for everything. I've learnt so much and had so much fun with y'all. Still remember when I first got in and Xuan told me "Goodbye, you sold your soul and time to SAC". All our planning, pre-preparation and execution of the past 5 events and welfare packs has really taken up alot of my time, but I'm glad to say that I never found it a chore and was really excited to go through it with yall :') To the director whom I was frustrated with at the start, thank you for accepting me into the wonderful comm, allowing me to learn and grow so much in a short period of time. I may not agree with your leadership style (esp how you tank everything by yourself sometimes) but thanks for opening my eyes to so many views/ ways of doing stuff. Invaluable takeaways and memories from SAC that I'll always treasure.
3. House-Head elections: As expected, I didn't get the job. But not so expected was how close I was to almost getting it. Thank you ROC for having so much faith in me, I'm really touched by everyone who voted for me despite me not being in house comm and I'm sure yall know about the profanities (such a nice word for not so nice words HAHAHAH) I say at times, thank you for being so accepting of me and thanks to those who told me not to give up on my dreams and pushed me along the way. To Lenard and Tammy, I always thought that both of you will get it when we had those late-night convos about what we wanted to change in ROC / what we felt the house comm should do. Thank you for sharing your honest opinions and having faith in me as the person you wanted to work with. To Tammy, thank you for trusting us and showing us your vulnerable side and know that we are always here to support you through it all next year, you are never alone in this!! To Lenard, when I first dumped the idea of running for it on you, I never expected that you'll choose me as who you wanted to work with but thank you so much for believing that I had the potential to do it with you. And lastly to Nova, till now it's still mixed feelings because I know the chances of me getting it would be v high if I didn't trigger you to run for it, but I'm really happy that you got it too as I know that the house will be in safe hands, and you are strong enough to handle criticisms and keeping Tammy on the right track. I'll always be here for you and you are not alone too bro <3 May ROC be great again under the wings of you two!!
4. Honestly idk what subheading to give to this section and I need to leave for home soon, but I guess I'll just call it the closure. It has been a tiring sem for me, with emotions that I don't really want to deal with but I know I must. Kind of got myself into shit if not for that night. If I didn't take my things from the lounge to go study with you. If I didn't tell you the truth about what I felt last semester for someone, which prompted you to trust your secrets with me, that I'm sorry to say I'm not going to be the only one bringing it to my grave as I had to share this burden with others because of my feelings that they wouldn't be able to understand if I didn't tell your part of the story. But I know it has to end now, before I fall any deeper or get even more confused about what this is. Just know that I'll always be here for you, to listen to your woes and empathising with you because I know how it feels. Just sad that this kind of feels like what happened 3/4 years ago, with me having to deal with my feelings myself and not being able to tell the other party in fear of ruining the friendship. But yes, I realised till today it's still friendship > relationship for me so I'm going to be thankful for what we already have and know where to draw the boundaries for myself to feel for you..hopefully. Like what you said, it's tiring to feel so much for someone but not being able to tell the person or just going for it based on your feelings. I guess it's even more tiring for me to hear all these from the person I kind of like, but knowing that we cannot happen because of what you are feeling for someone else. Part of me wishes that you never mentioned that we could happen if not for the circumstances you are in now, which gave me a glimmer of hope to wait for you. But I guess one semester of waiting is enough for me, since it looks like you are still going to be in this situation for some time to come and we both know it's unfair to just date without considering what you are going through. Another almost-relationship, but its time for me to move on. I just hope that these 3 months won't be painful without you, and that you will not be in too much pain too. We are still so young, with so much future ahead of us, let's not let this affect our personality / give up hope on love. There is so much love in this world, to give and to receive, and love is what keeps the world going. I will still love you, but as a friend like I've always felt and not hope for more anymore.
OKAY TIME TO GO HOME AND RECUPERATE. FLU BUG PLEASE LEAVE ME BEFORE INTENSE READING WEEK!!!!!! Really worn out from the constant studying/ rushing of assignments that seemed never-ending over the past 3 weeks which included 2 30% essays, 3 presentations and a 40% finals. Glad that week 13 was much chiller but emotionally heavier because of the 2 farewells. bye week 13, you've been a great one :')
Here's just some photos in case my phone decides to wipe out all my photos again :<
Continue reading mini round-up of 1st Year in NUS/CAPT
Thank you for the experiences I never knew I'll go through, for the countless opportunities where I was able to step out of my own comfort zone and get to know myself so much better, pushing to me be the best version of myself and striving to continuously grow and learn everyday, taking small steps at a time but giving me a goal in sight to work towards.
It has truly been an amazing year in CAPT, with all kinds of overwhelming emotions that I'm still learning to cope with, but I really cannot imagine living somewhere else or even not living on campus at all. University life would have been so, so much different if I did not make that last minute impulse decision to follow my gut feeling and apply for UTCP/CAPT, and talking to the seniors that I did to correctly choose the room/floor I'm staying in now. I guess that's just life, and that's just fate. It hasn't been an easy journey, rather it has been filled with ups and downs but I'm still v grateful for everything that has happened, be it the good or the bad. Even as I'm typing now, I hear people screaming from the lounge LOL perks of living on the mixed floor but there's nowhere else I rather be.
I promised myself that this will be a short post just to write out all the thoughts and feelings that I have now, as 2 farewell parties/dinner just ended this week. Plus my phone TOTALLY CRASHED and hanged at the apple logo / "white screen of death" during formal dinner till the next day so I was pretty deprived of social media / any forms of communication for 24 hours, which made me reflect quite a bit too. Really regret not saving / backing up my photos from May 2016 or even submitting the warranty form online. Not really worried about the photos in CAPT that I lost since I know I can easily get it back / it was good to get rid of all the clutter that I couldn't bear to delete myself. Just kind of sad that I will never get back photos with you since we aren't on talking terms anymore, if there is that small chance that you are reading this, I'll really appreciate it that you send them to me :') But since the possibility of that is close to none, I guess some photos will remain etched in my heart and I can remember them without the soft copies. I hope that you are still smiling as brightly, or living an even happier life than you had when you were with me, because you deserve it. I hope that you can find someone who will be there for you when you need and loves all of you for who you are. On some nights I still find myself missing your presence but I guess you've moved on and having me back in your life won't do you any good since all I did was to bring you down. So please be happy and work towards your dreams :) You may have been in my life for a short period of time but I don't regret any of it, and I'll always remember you. I find myself hoping to find traces of you when I cross the road for meals or when I go to places we went together before, but I just smile to myself knowing that I'm blessed that we happened before and hope that now you are in some place better, with someone who deserves you more than me. Now I'm back to being the "strong and independent" girl that I was before I met you, although I don't know if it is just a facade, but so many people tell me that they see me that way. Part of me wants it to be true, but another part of me just wants someone whom I can rely on emotionally and physically. Quoting what one of my closest friends in CAPT once said, "I'm coping better now, but it still gets lonely at times when you recall what you once had but things can never go back to the way it was before." But I guess that's just life, and I hate telling myself to just suck it up and hang in there even though there isn't much of a choice aye. Ok moving onto the proper round-up.
1. 6 mods: The past few weeks ever since recess week have been crazy and a constant struggle to balance studies, socialising, house-head campaigning, SAC events, CAPT events, new room and new house stuff on top of emotions that I want to stop feeling and the flu bug that just won't go away :'(
It still feels very ambiguous about how my results for this semester would turn out. I thought that all hope was lost after getting 76/100 for Korean midterms (the 75/23 percentile and avg/median marks were only out in around week 11..? AFTER I SCREWED UP MY ORAL TEST) and my first ever (depressing) C for GL2101 midterms. Taking 2 geog mods this sem, one of which I got an A- for my 40% midterms, on top of the C for global studies just swayed me towards officially changing my major to geography next sem. So for the past few weeks I was already kind of decided on geog as my first major (I just found out I cannot do double degree in FASS as geog and global studies are both in FASS SIGH it doesn't make sense when one is a social science degree while the other is an arts degree though FASS PLS RECONSIDER THIS IN THE NEAR FUTURE BEFORE I GRAD!!! HEHE) and global studies as my second major/minor (since taking global studies as a second major isn't really allowed as the language commitment is damn high for a second major). BUT I JUST GOT BACK MY TERM ESSAY FOR GLOBAL STUDIES AND IT'S A FREAKING A-??? *does happy dance* My first ever A- for a global studies module (I got B and B+ for last sem's GL1101E)...and now I'm really conflicted LOL, but it's not time to decide yet so I shan't think about it yet. Still gonna take GE1101E and GE2101 next sem because I'll still do a second major in geog if I stick to global studies heh. (I'll be 4 or 5/12 mods done with it by next sem yaaaaaaay!!)
Got back JS results which was pretty bad because of my two late submissions for reflections that are 32 marks in total LOL shit but as long as its a pass its fine la hahaha thanks for being such a chill module this semester with fun-filled fieldtrips!!!!
Really hope that I do well this semester as I'll probably apply for scholarships next sem :> JIAYOU PONG ANOTHER 3 WEEKS HANG IN THEREEEE!
2. SAC: Our journey together is gonna be over real soon, but thank you guys for everything. I've learnt so much and had so much fun with y'all. Still remember when I first got in and Xuan told me "Goodbye, you sold your soul and time to SAC". All our planning, pre-preparation and execution of the past 5 events and welfare packs has really taken up alot of my time, but I'm glad to say that I never found it a chore and was really excited to go through it with yall :') To the director whom I was frustrated with at the start, thank you for accepting me into the wonderful comm, allowing me to learn and grow so much in a short period of time. I may not agree with your leadership style (esp how you tank everything by yourself sometimes) but thanks for opening my eyes to so many views/ ways of doing stuff. Invaluable takeaways and memories from SAC that I'll always treasure.
3. House-Head elections: As expected, I didn't get the job. But not so expected was how close I was to almost getting it. Thank you ROC for having so much faith in me, I'm really touched by everyone who voted for me despite me not being in house comm and I'm sure yall know about the profanities (such a nice word for not so nice words HAHAHAH) I say at times, thank you for being so accepting of me and thanks to those who told me not to give up on my dreams and pushed me along the way. To Lenard and Tammy, I always thought that both of you will get it when we had those late-night convos about what we wanted to change in ROC / what we felt the house comm should do. Thank you for sharing your honest opinions and having faith in me as the person you wanted to work with. To Tammy, thank you for trusting us and showing us your vulnerable side and know that we are always here to support you through it all next year, you are never alone in this!! To Lenard, when I first dumped the idea of running for it on you, I never expected that you'll choose me as who you wanted to work with but thank you so much for believing that I had the potential to do it with you. And lastly to Nova, till now it's still mixed feelings because I know the chances of me getting it would be v high if I didn't trigger you to run for it, but I'm really happy that you got it too as I know that the house will be in safe hands, and you are strong enough to handle criticisms and keeping Tammy on the right track. I'll always be here for you and you are not alone too bro <3 May ROC be great again under the wings of you two!!
4. Honestly idk what subheading to give to this section and I need to leave for home soon, but I guess I'll just call it the closure. It has been a tiring sem for me, with emotions that I don't really want to deal with but I know I must. Kind of got myself into shit if not for that night. If I didn't take my things from the lounge to go study with you. If I didn't tell you the truth about what I felt last semester for someone, which prompted you to trust your secrets with me, that I'm sorry to say I'm not going to be the only one bringing it to my grave as I had to share this burden with others because of my feelings that they wouldn't be able to understand if I didn't tell your part of the story. But I know it has to end now, before I fall any deeper or get even more confused about what this is. Just know that I'll always be here for you, to listen to your woes and empathising with you because I know how it feels. Just sad that this kind of feels like what happened 3/4 years ago, with me having to deal with my feelings myself and not being able to tell the other party in fear of ruining the friendship. But yes, I realised till today it's still friendship > relationship for me so I'm going to be thankful for what we already have and know where to draw the boundaries for myself to feel for you..hopefully. Like what you said, it's tiring to feel so much for someone but not being able to tell the person or just going for it based on your feelings. I guess it's even more tiring for me to hear all these from the person I kind of like, but knowing that we cannot happen because of what you are feeling for someone else. Part of me wishes that you never mentioned that we could happen if not for the circumstances you are in now, which gave me a glimmer of hope to wait for you. But I guess one semester of waiting is enough for me, since it looks like you are still going to be in this situation for some time to come and we both know it's unfair to just date without considering what you are going through. Another almost-relationship, but its time for me to move on. I just hope that these 3 months won't be painful without you, and that you will not be in too much pain too. We are still so young, with so much future ahead of us, let's not let this affect our personality / give up hope on love. There is so much love in this world, to give and to receive, and love is what keeps the world going. I will still love you, but as a friend like I've always felt and not hope for more anymore.
OKAY TIME TO GO HOME AND RECUPERATE. FLU BUG PLEASE LEAVE ME BEFORE INTENSE READING WEEK!!!!!! Really worn out from the constant studying/ rushing of assignments that seemed never-ending over the past 3 weeks which included 2 30% essays, 3 presentations and a 40% finals. Glad that week 13 was much chiller but emotionally heavier because of the 2 farewells. bye week 13, you've been a great one :')
Here's just some photos in case my phone decides to wipe out all my photos again :<
